I feel like I have learned more this last week about God and about the life He intends for me than I have in the last several years of my life. I praise God for that, as it has been a roller coaster for me. Just like any roller-coaster, it has involved lots of hand raising for me. Jesus is awesome. God the father is awesome. The Holy Spirit is awesome. I say awesome because the word is strangely fitting for what I am trying to say. Also, I find a sudden lack of meaningful English words that could describe what I've felt in my heart about my Lord and Savior.
Who can know the mind of the Lord? Who can understand His ways? The question is sometimes taken to be a rhetorical one, but in reality I believe it is not. Every so often we have to answer it, and answer it honestly.
Amazing how God is the creator of the heavens and the earth; He has breathed stars into existence, and I find myself advising God, critiquing God, telling Him what He should do in my life, etc...A genuine fear of God has been missing. Sin has this way of shrinking God down in our minds and building ourselves up. I am greatly convicted of this fact, and it scares me that I have blatantly brought myself to level thinking with God, as if I somehow know better. Of course, it's not a conscious thought of mine, but I am doing it none-the-less when I try to modify God's course for my life, or write my plans and stone and just expect God to work some miracles and do stuff for me -- as if God is suddenly some tool I have in my back pocket that I can pull out and use to fix stuff up. My God is so much bigger than that.
All these learning experiences from the Holy Spirit's conviction have just reinforced the vision that missions need to be a huge part of my life. The more the definition of God, His creation, and His love is burned into me, the more my heart begins to flutter and soar at the idea of doing such a thing as missions. Missions is much larger than who I am...it makes me feel ridiculously small -- but a good small. Missions is much larger than the dreams that I have, and I still believe God has instilled those in me for a reason, but I know I must act on what God is telling me at this moment if I expect God to move in my dreams later in the future. I believe He will move in my dreams later, and possibly during my dedication to missions. There is only one way to find out. And I am ready for that "one way." That "one way" is Jesus, and it is also a life dedicated to making sure the far reaches of the world know His name, and have had a chance to decide in their hearts that Jesus is truly their one and only Savior. Ah! I am very excited, as you readers can probably tell, since this is the second blog that I have dedicated to this topic. It is at the forefront of my conscience though, so when I have mental dumps such as this one, it's what keeps my fingers dancing on the keyboard. I will have you know, my fingers are not very good dancers when it comes to keyboard dancing. I have had to back-space so much during this posting, it's unreal. The button is bruised and weary.
Anyways, I have Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat rehearsal in the morning, so I should probably call this post done and get some shut-eye. In the meantime -- keep chasing God and His heart, dear readers! And perhaps while you're doing that, you'll come across my blog again.
Peace, love, and joy friends!
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