The Good, The Bad, The Middle

Ah, the curse of mediocrity. Oh, the bummer of always coming in 2nd place. You're almost there, but not quite. You're good, but not that good. I feel that way a lot of the time.
What's better? Being the worst, or being somewhere in the middle? If you're the worst, you're more likely to go unnoticed, which I know some people would love (including me). If you're 2nd or 3rd to "the best" (by whatever standards), it sure feels like you're the more prominent loser.
And continuing on this stream of thought that is passing through my brain right now -- confidence is a hard thing to come by. It's so hard to come by in fact, that most of the time it is faked. I am guilty as charged on that one. How is it that I can find confidence when there is this "curse of mediocrity" going around?
Do you ever find yourself going from click to click, from circle to circle at big parties, and constantly being on the outside of them all? Most of the time it's because you instantly classify yourself as someone less important than they who have taken reign over the airspace. The irony is; a lot of the time they hog the airspace because of a lack of self-confidence in some area in their life.
Why is it that that is so? In some area, we all land in the middle, and we reeeeeeally don't like it. Why? It racks my brain. Why does it bother me so much? Should I care?
Now, I actually don't have any good answer for the last question. Should we care or should we not care? I'll let you answer that. But I will take a stab at why we might feel those insecurities.
Just as I believe in God, I believe in his Enemy, Satan. I believe that he constantly attacks us to get his footholds, and so much of the time, he attacks our level of confidence -- to boost it or to knock it down. For the strong of faith, for the fighting, loving Christians, it is to take it down. What are we without our confidence in who we are? We are not fighters, that is for certain. We are not lovers either. We get wrapped up in ourselves in our self-conciousness, and the Enemy gets us focussed on our flaws, and the flaws of one another. In hind-sight, we whisper back to ourselves that we should've known better in the moment of that weakness. We should know more than anyone, there is no scale of better or worse that matters here on this foolish, bumbling planet that somehow manages to stay on its axis. But, when turned in on ourselves because of Satan's prodding, we create that scale, and we start sorting people on it, including ourselves. For me, I keep finding myself knocked lower and lower down the scale. I hate the way I talk in public. I hate the way I talk one on one. I hate they way I talk to girls. Heck, I just hate the fact that I talk. But God is always giving me something to say or write, so I guess it'd be wrong to not say some things (I still hate the way I talk to girls, though).
That scale is NOT what God is about. There shouldn't be winners and losers. According to Jesus, if someone lays some scale or chart out in front of you, it's better to be a loser and have only God than a winner and have only them (Matt 20:16). Do you believe that? I certainly do.
If you find yourself "the middle-man" all the time -- God bless you! What a great place to be! You should not consider yourself a lesser, more insignificant person, because at that point you are saying God did not do a good job. We should not consider ourselves better than anyone ever! At that point, we're making them more insignificant than us, and once again denying God's craftmanship and purpose for their lives.
We're The Middle! And we're proud of it!

A Musical

I  had an epiphany today -- I think I want to write a musical. I have so much music and chord progressions in my head at all times, and I love drama, I love to write; it just seems like all of the above, and I'd love to at least take a stab at it. I already have the main idea in my head, like the time setting and the type of characters I'll be dealing with. I need a conflict though. I need a bad guy too. And something that makes the leading role different than the rest of the roles being portrayed.
An unusual gift maybe? Or maybe the opposite of that; like a disability?
The tunes would be reverting back to the origins of "pop musicals," with exciting and upbeat rhythms like what you would hear in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and rock ballads with atttitude and catchy tunes such as those found in Singin' in the Rain and The Newsies. I'm pretty excited to get working on it.
I'm alerady preparing to get some of my creative friends together and discuss things about it, like more details about the plot, where we wanna go with music, and dialogues/monologues. It's going to be super fun.
So if you have any ideas, any type of character that you've created in your mind that you would love to see depicted on stage, comment back on this blog! Any character names too, feel free to chime in.

The Plead

This is a poem I wrote a few weeks ago, and it could be my favorite yet.
It's called "The Plead." Check it out!

It is after much wandering  that I end up here
I look back on yesterday and it feels like last year
I’m broken and done, I’ve done all I can do
No one can save me, no one but You
My mouth is shut, because its sounds are a lie
So I sit here alone and quietly write
I write of things that are simple and sad
I feel simple and sad; unstable and mad
A lesser man than they who rule their days
They stride with confidence in all of their ways
I don’t feel confident, not in the least
I’m a stranger, a mouse entertaining a beast
Who am I compared to Your greatest, my King?
I am no David, I’m just a sapling
I drank up the earth but refused to grow
I’m rooted and fruitless as You and I know
I’ve always wanted more than I could hold
I wanted my story to be one that was told
To inspire the next generation to rise
So I don’t know why it was such a surprise
To see that dream fall in the pit that I made
When I knew I was talk, and I was just afraid
Of insignificance and discontent
Of having no money to pay the rent
I was leaning on luck and not on You
I’ve broken Your heart with the things that I do
I should be forgotten and left in my pit
Because I have done nothing to deserve what I get
Lord, I know that  I have messed up again
I know it’d be just if You left me broken
But Merciful Father, forsake me not I plead
I give up my wants because You’re all that I need
I wish to give no excuse for my cause
Shine Your Light on me, reveal my flaws
So I may see and recognize
The sin that takes me from Your side
I will be content on earth as a stranger
Because You were one too; born in a manger

It's a Wonderful Life

I can't tell you how surreal it is to get on this social network and see all these links talking about this kid who needs medical payment help, and see so many people I know and don't know sharing it. It's even more surreal when I realize that it's me they're talking about. Truly, it is a dizzying aspect. For several reasons, and one of which is the fact that I actually have this sickness and poison inside of me, and that my health really is compromised. Secondly, and most importantly, is that so many people have just rallied around me, and I'm so overwhelmed. People I've met only once have given so much for me, and I don't even know what to say. But I'm trying to take a stab at it now. I wish I could express how grateful I am to all of you. I hope you don't feel sorry for me, because this sickness has been more of an answer to prayer than any other curse some might name it. I've always dreamed of that "It's a Wonderful Life" moment, where I could step outside myself and see who my friends were, and what sort of person I really am. It saddened me that I didn't know either of those things for certain. I was insecure and doubtful. And at first, when it all came down, I was horrified. I honestly thought that God was out to get me for whatever reason. Too many things, even outside the cancer, happened in the same week, and I was not a happy camper. But God always seems to work in the strangest, but greatest of ways. Because almost immediately after, I was SUPPORTED by a MULTITUDE of people. I walked into my theater group one day and saw my name on every single kid's wrist. I walked in the next week and I was surrounded by them, each one praying for me. My church has come along side me in every way imagineable as well, and every day I have a reminder either by facebook or by cellphone that someone is praying for me. And on days like today, where my chemo really sucks, God just floods my heart with realization of what has done for me through all of this, and just reminds me that HE is why this is happening, that I may draw closer to Him, and others may see Him as well. Because God is doing a HEALING work in me, never has he inflicted me, and never has he forsaken me. And He will never do so. My friends, I still cannot even begin to express my sincere gratefulness to you. I'll just end up writing on and on, and I better stop pretty quick here because I'm too tired and getting all teary eyed. So I wrote this to let you ALL know, that if you've ever just muttered a prayer for me, or gave me that encouraging slap on the back, you've done more for me inside than I fear I could ever do in return. I am truly blessed, and I pray that God will just hit you all with a tidal wave of blessings. With much love, - Jake

The Title of my Blog.

What's the deal with the blog title?

There is none. It just is.

But, I did write a poem called "Ask Me if My Name is George," and it goes like this:

ASK ME IF MY NAME IS “GEORGE”

I scribbled this once on the inside of a cave wall

I drew pictures of my adventures the best I could scrawl

“I have been trapped in this place for an awfully long time

And there is nothing better to do with myself than to rhyme.”

I barely escaped with thought left in my mind

And I have that sick feeling I left me behind.

...But Why a Blog?

Alright. So the purpose of me having a blog is mainly so I don't have to write a stinkin' "Facebook Note" every time I feel the need to write/share poetry and or my thoughts on an issue. And given that a lot of the time, status updates don't give you a whole lot of space to write your real thoughts, I decided, maybe a blog was best for me. And what is this "Twitter?" Yes, I got one, and I'm still not really sure why anyone would care enough about someone's tweets. I guess I enoy the funny ones...some people can pull a Twitter account off, but otherwise...yeah, there are quite a few people who really just need to stay away from Twitter #youKnowWhoYouAre.
But anyway, I can promise you that you will not regret following this blog, there will be plenty of entertainment to go around, and fun discussions/rantings about this and that. And poetry to boot, I feel like that's one of my favorite forms of communication.
So in case I don't see ya, "Good morning, good afternoon, good evening and goodnight," and I hope you follow my blog!

Jake